The season of "Tough Luck"

The phrase that was said a few weeks ago was “Tough luck” and at the time people felt slighted. But in reality, this is a season of fucking tough luck and there’s little to nothing we can do to rectify that feeling of being fucked. So the theme of this week’s Whacker’s Weekly revolves exactly around the idea of “Tough luck”.

As you guys know already, I’m very much a woe is me guy and love to get pity when it comes to Fantasy Football. One (me) could argue that it stems from Krum consistently bullying me about my fantasy record. One (krum) may not. I bring this up because I feel like I’ve had some really bad beats this year and I want people to feel bad for me. But I’m not the only one who has felt the “tough luck” this year. So let’s break down the moments in which I feel a manager has faced tough luck this year.

Tough Luck Moments

The Injury Bug

This isn’t subjective to this year by any means and as addicted fantasy football players we know this shit happens all the time. But it’s still tough luck. We’ve seen the #1, #2 and now the #4 drafted players go down with injuries (CMC missing 4-6 weeks, Saquon out for season, & Dalvin potentially out for 2 games) and have also seen the #1 and #2 drafted WRs missing some pretty significant time (Michael Thomas for 4 straight weeks & Davante Adams for 2 weeks). Although it’s common to lose players, it still is never easy to swallow. Nevertheless, it’s just “tough luck”.

Bad beats

Much like the injury bug, every year we see some bad beats. Bad beats are inevitable and we know that, but it still can lick my hoop for all I care. We kicked off the 2020 season with a really bad beat where Large came back (down around 20 something pts) on a Monday night to win by 1.3 pts. That’s a bad beat. Other notable bad beats are when you put up the 2nd most points in a week and just so happen to face off against the number 1 scorer. See Uncle Tito vs. LA FLAMA BLANCA in week 3 (153.52 – 173.10). Bad beat & tough luck. Here comes the “Woe is me” part: my bad beats and tough luck has come in the form 3 losses in a row by a total of 8.22. Give me the pity I need to remain sane please.

Covid-19

Well this is really the truest example of “tough luck” and the situation in which that phrase coined our 2020 fantasy season. Each week, as managers, we fear that we may lose players to the Covid-IR and sometimes, we have. But I think the real tough luck comes with our personal psyche’s. The constant fear that our player will find themselves engulfed in the dumpster fire that Covid-19 is and/or the fact that we’ve had multiple games now postponed because of teams hit by the virus at large. With those players or those teams not being able to play, that is what fucks with our psyche. That and the constant twitter fear that someone may have it or there may be a positive test within the org and just waiting to find out if your guy is gonna play. Now that shit, that shit is tough luck. P.S. how the hell has Ryquell Armstead been on the Covid-IR for the entire season???

Name change 2020 edition

My final note on Tough Luck: Last year I started 1-5 (or 1-4, can’t remember) under the monicker of “Slob on My Rob”. Finding myself tough luck through the first 6 games of the season I knew I had to make a change. I made a change to get back to my truest self and change my name to “Worse Than Drew”. I then went on a 9 game winning streak only to lose in the championship. Have I told this story before, probably. Why do I bring it up? Because it’s that time of the year again. This time I’m making another name change, and one could argue it’s a perfect name for the theme of this year. I am now changing my name to “Tough Luck” and you know what, y’all are gonna have some tough luck coming your way the rest of the season!!!!

The GOAT'S Opinions

This week of the Goatly is brought to you by Simple Jack sponsored by Dude Wipes, meet butt hairs worst enemy. Speaking of bad shituations, there has been a lot of talk this week about the genius that is Adam Gase. Adam Gase is a buffoon, there is no one that has done more for anyone’s career in the world than Peyton Manning has done for Adam Gase. With the obvious exceptions of what Batman has done for Robin’s career, Harry Potter has done for Ron Weasley’s career, and Fred Trump has done for Donald Trumps career.

Adam Gase has coached his team to an 0-5 record thus far this season and an 0-5 record Against the spread. Now that we have more degenerates in the league joining our ranks every week, this column will be dedicated to Simple Jack’s weekly NFL picks to gamble on but should fade if you are smart. This week Simple Jack picks include CRUSHING the -9.5 spread on Miami vs. the Jets. Like I said Gase sucks and the team hates him. Sorry to say it, Atlanta +4 has Julio back, they will keep it close, and teams who fire their head coach and GM historically cover the spread the following week. Catch that Pitt number at that beautiful -3 number against Cleveland this week. Baker Mayfield just surpassed Ben Roethlisberger as the QB with the most Touchdowns at his OWN stadium. Possibly without Beckham, Take big ben. Final pick Over in Jacksonville vs. Detroit. Whatever the number is. Over.

Week 2 Matchups

LA FLAMA BLANCA (3-2)

vs

BK Sizzle (3-2)

LA FLAMA BLANCA (2) vs. BK Sizzle (7)

We got the #2 seed facing off in this week 6 matchup. Seven deuce off suit. I say off suit because these teams are very different. Sure they have the same record but we’re seeing some YUGE numbers put up by the reigning high points champion, LA FLAMA BLANCA. Kid has put 166+ three times already this year. BK Sizzle has put up pretty consistent numbers and I think this week will be really interesting to see what CEH can do. Will the rookie running back run for dear life to try ensure his starting role? IDK, but I kinda hope so just for our newest father’s psyche (word of the week apparently). He already lost Ekeler this year and it would be a reaaaal shame if his 1st round draft pick took a back seat to Lev Bell moving forward. I personally don’t think he will but then again, i’m 1-4.

Tough Luck (1-4)

vs

Kobra Kyler (2-3)

Tough Luck (11) vs. Kobra Kyler (9)

I figure maybe if I talk about myself enough, I will be able to find a win. Probably not but it’s worth a shot and at this point I need to try anything and everything. Kobra Kyler snuck out a win that should really come with an asterisk last week and that win could carry over some good juju into this weeks matchup. As of right now, both Kobra Kyler and the newly monickered Tough Luck teams are starting absolute ancient RBs. Both on shitty teams, both run slower than Boerma in Boerma’s prime. I think the prime matchups here are going to be between pass catchers on each team. Godwin is back and will hopefully play an entire game for once, Beckham has an “illness’ and Devante & Kupp are just nice steady eddies. Meanwhile Kobra Kyler starts 2 TEs, one of them a consistent stud and one of them a consistent dud. And I’ll tell you, the stud is not the TE that is named Zach Ertz. But i’m sure this will be the week that Mr. Ertz goes off because why not.

Bold Prediction Cotton

Robin's Bold Prediction

Uncle Tito spent some cash, some big time cash on what he believes to be a new superstar. Is he chasing the hype that is Chase Claypool? Is Claypool good enough to skyrocket up the depth chart to WR1 or WR2? Or does it not really matter what position he is on the depth chart? Well we’re gonna find out and we’re gonna find out if Uncle Tito just found a diamond in a clay pool. What i’m guessing is gonna happen is that Chase will get about 5 targets and will have 74 and 1. And that should be enough to help Uncle Tito take down Simple Jack

Uncle Tito 121-109

Brady's Bold Prediction

Nothing like seeing a matchup between two teams that have maybe a combined total of 5 players they drafted square up in Week 6. Saving Matt Ryan’s highest draft pick is currently 6th rounder Jarvis Landry, that has to be some sort of record only 5 weeks into the season. Brett made the poor mistake trading Deshaun to Large the week they are playing and I think he pays for it big time. Watson bangs out 5 tuddies and Slayton hits on a pair of 40+ yard TD’s as the underdog takes this one in a nail biter

Saving Matt Ryan: 121 – 117

Whackers Weekly 2020 – Week 4